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Frank Spinelli, an internist in Chelsea who referred numerous patients to Mr. ÂWe sell this idea that 60 is the new 40, but itâs just lying,â said Dr. In âDancer From the Dance,â the seminal 1970s novel about gay life in New York by Andrew Holleran, the protagonist, Anthony Malone, walks into the bay on Fire Island rather than facing getting older and watching his beauty fade. I had absolutely no sense of this.âīut something was clearly roiling below the calm surface. Bergeron, said: âWe would get together regularly and there were many personal conversations, none of which ever touched upon the darkness of his life that he must have felt. Stanley Siegel, a psychotherapist and former columnist for Newsday who mentored Mr. There was never a thought in my mind he would have committed suicide. âI thought maybe he had hit his head at the gym and didnât have his ID and they rushed him to the hospital. Bergeronâs first long-term boyfriend and later his best friend. ÂThe day this happened, when he appeared to be missing, I ran through a million scenarios,â said James Sackheim, Mr.
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Here was a man who ended his life at the exact moment he seemed to be nearing a professional peak, one that involved the upbeat story of a mature gay man facing the second half of his life with enthusiasm, hope and an endless array of tight T-shirts. (A 2002 survey by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, found that 12 percent of urban gay and bisexual men have attempted suicide in their lifetime, a rate three times higher than the overall rate for American adult males.)īut there is something particularly resonant about Mr. And, certainly, among gay men in the city, it is not unusual to hear of an acquaintance who has taken his life, often someone in the later stages of AIDS who didnât want (or couldnât afford) to wait around for the bitter end. That suicides, even seemingly inexplicable ones, occur in New York is not startling news, of course. Here, they say, was a guy with seemingly everything to live for: good looks, a condo in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan, semi-annual trips to Europe, parents who adored him and absolutely no history of clinical depression. Bergeron was found dead in his apartment, the result of a suicide that has left his family, his friends and his clients shocked and heartbroken as they attempt to figure out how he could have been so helpful to others and so unable to find help himself. âThis picture will get you results that flourish long-term.âīut right around New Yearâs Eve, something went horribly wrong. ÂIâve got a concise picture of what being over 40 is about and itâs a great perspective filled with happiness, feeling sexy, possessing comfort relating to other men and taking good care of ourselves,â Mr. He resolved to rewrite the script, and provide a toolbox for better living.
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He had also seen how few public examples there were of gay men growing older gracefully. Bergeron, 49, had witnessed the worst years of the AIDS epidemic and emerged on the other side. Having come out as gay in the mid-1980s, Mr. In February, Magnus Books, a publisher specializing in gay literature, was scheduled to print a self-help guide he had written, âThe Right Side of Forty: The Complete Guide to Happiness for Gay Men at Midlife and Beyond.â Bergeron had also begun work as a motivational speaker, giving talks at gay and lesbian centers in Los Angeles and Chicago. Over the last decade, he built a thriving private practice, treating well-to-do gay men for everything from anxiety to coping with H.I.V. Bergeron was as a therapist as well, always upbeat, somewhat less focused on getting to the root of his clientsâ feelings than altering behavior patterns that were detrimental to them: therapy from the outside-in. If you ran into him at the David Barton Gym on West 23rd Street, where he worked out nearly ever morning at 7, and you complained about the rain, he would smile and say youâd be better off focusing on a problem you could fix. Not Waiting to Say Goodbye By JACOB BERNSTEIN BOB BERGERON was so relentlessly cheery that people sometimes found it off-putting.